Fessing Up

I realized I'm full of empty promises. I started off this blog promising daily pics, then it went to weekly pics and then monthly pics. Instead of pics I gave you measurements. I'm now openly admitting that I flaked out. I'm embarrassed. Not of the pics (well a little) but of my performance.

I started this program really strong and eating right. Then I fell off the food track. Weekend BBQs evolved from grilled veggies and guacamole to cheese smothered sausage sandwiches ( oooo they're soooo good). It's so frustrating because I went from doing a Saturday cheat day back to a whole weekend cheat fest. Memorial weekend was the worst of them all. I couldn't blame it on anything else but me and my food addiction.

In preparation for a great 30th birthday celebration for a friend we bought an array of different chips and snacks to absorb the tequila that always makes an appearance at our house. Everyone had a few chips but in the end we were left w/ about 5 bags.

So Sunday and Monday Pat and I were like animals. We ate chips while watching tv, we ate chips while grilling, we ate chips when we were thirsty, we ate them while sleeping (ok probably not). It was a chip binge. The bad thing is that I ate them because part of my behavioral dysfunction is that when there is "bad" food in the house I want to eat it all to get rid of it because I feel guilty throwing it out and I don't want to tempt myself during the week. Yes I know people that it's an irrational feeling but anybody who has ever had an addiction before knows that rational behavior goes out the window.

So last night was the first night in 3 days that we didn't have chips or cake to eat (yup there was cake) and I was totally fine. I made a promise to myself that I would eat 1 small meal every 2 hours last night and I did. I ended up eating exactly 1500 calories and I ended my night with the most magnificent chocolate protein shake ever (www.shakeology.com/benjiville). I know its weird to have a protein shake at night but honestly for me it's perfect. I need that sweet fix at night. Instead of eating a cup of peanut butter (1600 calories) I had a chocolate milk shake that tastes like it came from friendly's for only 310 calories (140 cals if you make it water and nothing else).

I guess like an addict I'll have to take this eating thing day by day. I promise to reward myself for my tiny successes instead of feeling guilty that I didn't hit any huge ones. I'll also promise to post a pic when I hit 130lbs. There! 130 is a nice solid goal to go by. You may not see a difference because it's only 5 lbs from where I started this journey but at least it's a marker of when you'll finally see a pic.

I struggle with the feeling that after a month and a half of doing Chalean Extreme I have nothing huge and extravagant to report. I feel guilty because I know that the workout program is truly amazing but I'm messing myself up with the nutrition part. On a positive note - even though I self sabotage myself on the weekends I'm still seeing inches lost in the right areas every time I measure myself. So the program works but it's true that the right foods play a HUGE part with overall success.

So today I start day 2 of good eating. Wish me luck for this weekend :)